2. Perpetrators and Victims: Who Alienates, and Who Is Alienated?

Common perpetrators: Parental alienation can be perpetrated by mothers or fathers - both genders engage in alienating behavior at comparable rates in modern samples3. The stereotype of the vengeful divorced mother turning the kids against the father (which arose in the 1980s when mothers often had primary custody) is no longer the whole story. Dr. Richard Gardner, who first coined “Parental Alienation Syndrome,” initially believed mothers were the alienators in 90% of cases, but he later revised that to 50/50 as societal roles shifted. Today’s research consistently finds fathers can be alienators just as often - any parent with sufficient influence over the child can attempt to poison the child’s relationship with the other parent. For example, in one representative U.S. poll, 54% of the self-identified targeted parents were fathers and 46% were mothers (a non-significant difference). In short, parental alienation is not a one-gender issue - moms and dads are both culpable in different cases.

It’s worth noting that extended family and others may also play a role. The alienating parent is usually the primary caregiver or the parent the child resides with most, but they may enlist support from step-parents, grandparents, or even professionals to reinforce the alienation2. For instance, an alienating mother might have her own parents (the child’s grandparents) repeat negative messages about the father; an alienating father might have a new spouse who helps exclude the mother. In some extreme cases, even court-appointed officials (like a biased guardian ad litem) could unwittingly become “third-party” alienators by siding with false narratives. However, at its core, parental alienation typically centers on one parent deliberately (or sometimes unconsciously) undermining the child’s bond with the other parent.

Who are the victims? There are essentially two sets of victims in parental alienation: the targeted parent (often called the “rejected” parent) and the alienated child. Both suffer harm (we delve into consequences in the next section). Targeted parents come from all walks of life - the phenomenon spans racial and economic groups1. Some studies have found certain groups over-represented; e.g., African-American and Native American parents reported being alienated at higher rates in one U.S. survey1, possibly due to higher conflict custody disputes in those communities. But no group is immune. Mothers and fathers alike experience the devastation of having a child reject them without legitimate cause. In advocacy literature, targeted parents sometimes describe the experience as “ambiguous loss” - the child is still alive, yet the loving relationship has been forcibly erased.

Meanwhile, the children who become alienated can be of any age or gender. Alienation often starts when kids are between about 8 and 15 years old, according to clinical reports, as this is when they can voice preferences and be influenced, but cases exist with younger children being conditioned, as well as older teens. Research has not identified a particular “type” of child who is more susceptible, although one theory is that anxious or passive children may be less able to resist an alienating parent’s pressure8. In general, any child caught in a high-conflict separation could become a pawn. By adulthood, some realize what happened and may reconcile with the targeted parent; others remain estranged for years or permanently.

Relation to other forms of abuse: Critically, parental alienation is not an isolated phenomenon - it often co-occurs with other abusive dynamics, especially intimate partner violence and coercive control. In many cases, the alienating parent is also psychologically or emotionally abusive toward the targeted parent (and sometimes toward the child via manipulation). The U.K. study by Hine et al. noted that alienating behaviors were linked to broader domestic abuse patterns in high-conflict separations4. Alienation itself can be viewed as a form of family violence: researchers Harman et al. call these behaviors “abusive strategies to harm parent-child relationships”3, analogous to spousal abuse but targeting the parent-child bond.

Indeed, experts increasingly label parental alienation as child psychological abuse. The DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) includes a related diagnostic code (V995.51, “child psychological abuse”) under which alienation cases can be classified6. The logic is straightforward: deliberately turning a child against a loving parent inflicts serious emotional and developmental harm, just as direct physical or sexual abuse would. As forensic psychologist Dr. Alan Blotcky and psychiatrist Dr. William Bernet wrote, “Causing parental alienation in a child is on par with physical and sexual abuse… It is considered child psychological abuse [in DSM-5]… Parental alienation is real, definable, and toxic… It is not hyperbole to say it can be catastrophic.”. This underscores that parental alienation is now recognized by many professionals as a severe form of abuse, even if it doesn’t leave visible bruises. (Of course, not all professionals agree - see Section 5 for controversy - but the prevailing view in alienation research is that these behaviors are profoundly harmful.)

Finally, parental alienation often intersects with allegations of other abuse in court: for instance, one parent may allege the other abused the child, while the accused counters that the accuser is “just alienating the child.” This creates a thorny situation (addressed in Section 4 on legal responses) where courts must discern true abuse from fabricated claims made as an alienation tactic. Sadly, genuine abuse can be masked by false alienation claims, and conversely, an alienator may falsely accuse the targeted parent of abuse. Thus, alienation is deeply intertwined with issues of domestic violence, child protection, and the credibility of parents in court.

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