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3. Harms and Consequences for Children and Parents

Parental alienation inflicts serious and often lasting harm on both the children and the targeted parent. Leading researchers and clinicians consider alienation a form of trauma - with psychological effects comparable to other adverse childhood experiences. Here we break down the known consequences:

For alienated children (short-term): A child who is manipulated into rejecting a loving parent experiences immense psychological turmoil. Children naturally crave love and stability from both parents; alienation disrupts this fundamental need. Clinical reports and studies have documented a range of negative outcomes, including: heightened anxiety and depression, phobias, feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, anger issues, and loyalty conflicts. The child’s school performance often declines - many alienated kids exhibit concentration problems and falling grades. Some develop behavioral issues or conduct disorders as a reaction to the stress. In extreme cases, children have even attempted or contemplated suicide due to the emotional pain of the parental divide. A 2022 review notes that alienated children often show “depressive symptoms, anxiety, poor self-esteem, lack of trust in relationships, and self-defeating behavior”, even into later life. Essentially, being taught to hate or fear one parent distorts a child’s reality and sense of security, which is psychologically devastating.

Furthermore, alienated children often exhibit what Dr. Gardner called “PAS symptoms”: an unjustified campaign of denigration against the targeted parent, weak or frivolous justifications for the hatred, lack of ambivalence (the alienated parent is all bad, the other parent all good), borrowed scripted language, etc.. These behaviors indicate how the child’s healthy perceptions have been replaced with the alienator’s narratives. The immediate harm is a shattered parent-child attachment, but it doesn’t stop there - the child’s identity development is altered. Studies find alienated kids can develop a “confused sense of self” and difficulty trusting their own perceptions. They may become emotionally dependent on the alienating parent in an unhealthy way, almost akin to a cult dynamic (indeed, researchers have likened alienating parents’ tactics to those of cult leaders in how they indoctrinate and isolate the child).

For alienated children (long-term adulthood): The trauma of alienation often carries forward into adulthood - even if the child later reunites with the rejected parent, the psychological scars remain. Research by Dr. Amy J. L. Baker, who interviewed adults who were alienated as children, found consistent long-term effects in several key domains. In a study of 38 adult children of parental alienation, Baker identified seven major areas of impact: (1) low self-esteem, (2) depression, (3) drug/alcohol abuse, (4) lack of trust in others, (5) alienation from their own children, (6) higher likelihood of divorce, and (7) other persistent emotional issues. In other words, these individuals struggle with mental health and relationships throughout life. They often have difficulty forming stable trustful relationships (having internalized distrust from the parental conflict), may self-medicate with substances or develop other maladaptive coping mechanisms, and sadly may even replicate the cycle in their own families. Indeed, researchers have observed intergenerational transmission of alienation: an alienated child, upon becoming a parent, is at greater risk of experiencing alienation again - either by choosing a high-conflict partner or by unknowingly behaving in dysfunctional ways learned from the past . One qualitative study of 20 international adults alienated in childhood noted elevated rates of anxiety disorders, trauma symptoms (akin to PTSD), and suicidal ideation in these individuals  . Many described enduring emotional pain and confusion about their identity, even years later. Crucially, even those who eventually understood the alienation and reconciled with the targeted parent often felt a profound sense of loss and regret for the years of missed relationship - a form of grief that can persist indefinitely.

It’s also important to note that physical health can be affected. Chronic stress in childhood (such as the stress of being embroiled in parental alienation) correlates with worse health outcomes later (higher risk of chronic illness, etc.). Alienated children may develop psychosomatic complaints (headaches, stomach aches related to anxiety) and often need more medical or therapeutic intervention  . A UK foundation report found that children of highly conflicted separations (who likely include alienation cases) have higher probabilities of needing medical treatment, engaging in risky behaviors (early sexual activity, smoking, drinking), and other adverse outcomes in adolescence . In summary, the life trajectory of an alienated child can be severely derailed - emotionally, socially, and even physically. The effects can touch education (dropping out earlier), economic status (lower earnings in adulthood), and the ability to form a healthy family of their own .

For targeted parents: The mother or father who is the target of alienation arguably suffers one of the most painful experiences a parent can endure: the loss of a child’s love and contact while being helpless to stop it. Targeted parents often describe symptoms of traumatic stress - and research confirms this. A 2019 study that measured targeted parents’ mental health found high levels of depression and PTSD-like symptoms, and even elevated suicidal ideation, among parents alienated from their children. In that study, alienated parents had significantly worse scores on depression and trauma questionnaires compared to both the general population and even compared to other divorced parents who were not alienated . The more severe the alienation (e.g. the longer since they’ve seen the child, or the more extreme the rejection), the more severe the depression and trauma symptoms reported . Over 60% of targeted parents in one survey had contemplated suicide within the past year - a staggering figure that underscores the despair this situation can induce. Tragically, there have been cases of alienated parents dying by suicide (for example, a well-known case mentioned by Harman & Biringen, 2016, where a father took his life).

In many ways, targeted parents experience a form of “ambiguous loss” or complicated grief. Their child is not dead, but due to the alienation, it feels as if the child is “gone” - yet with the tormenting uncertainty that perhaps someday the relationship could be restored. This ambiguous loss can be more difficult to process than a clear-cut loss. It’s compounded by feelings of betrayal, frustration with legal systems, social isolation (friends/family often don’t understand or may even blame the parent), and the pain of character assassination (alienators often vilify the targeted parent with false accusations of abuse, etc., leaving the parent fighting to clear their name). Studies have noted that many alienated parents exhibit symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - nightmares, intrusive thoughts, hypervigilance - as well as major depression (feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness). The 2019 Harman study specifically found that targeted parents had significantly higher depression and trauma scores than even parents who were themselves engaged in two-sided conflict, indicating the unique toll of being the sole victim in these scenarios.

Beyond mental health, targeted parents can suffer financial and functional impairments. Many spend tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees in desperate attempts to maintain or restore custody/visitation (draining their savings and retirement). The stress can impact their job performance; some miss work for court dates or fall into unemployment due to depression. Socially, they may withdraw due to shame or because they are cut off from their children’s lives (no more school events, etc., which also often were a key social outlet). The harm often qualifies as domestic violence by proxy - the alienating parent is effectively using the child to continue abusing the ex-partner (the targeted parent). As one research team put it, “the consequences for targeted parents can be severe… [parental alienation] could be considered a form of ongoing domestic violence perpetrated on them by the offending parent.”.

In sum, parental alienation exacts a severe psychological toll on everyone directly involved except perhaps the alienating instigator (who often may have their own psychopathologies driving their behavior). Children suffer emotional abuse that can last a lifetime; targeted parents suffer a living grief and trauma; even extended family (grandparents, etc., who lose the child) experience loss. Because of these far-reaching harms, experts emphasize that parental alienation should be treated as seriously as any other form of child abuse or family violence. Early recognition and intervention are key to preventing these outcomes - a topic we’ll touch on in the final sections regarding systemic responses.

Table 2: Documented Harms of Parental Alienation

Domain Impact on Children Impact on Targeted Parents
Mental Health Anxiety, depression, guilt, low self-esteem; trauma symptoms (some exhibit PTSD-like reactions) ; irrational fear/hatred toward one parent. In adulthood: continued depression, insecure or uncertain identity, trust issues. Major depression (significantly higher than non-alienated peers); grief and suicidal ideation (many contemplate or attempt suicide); PTSD symptoms from prolonged family conflict and loss. Often described as “a living bereavement.”
Behavior & Social Conduct problems, defiance; poor peer relationships (modeling the alienator’s hostility); possible substance abuse in teens. Alienated children may become alienators or have dysfunctional relationships later (intergenerational cycle). Social withdrawal and isolation (withdraw from friends/family due to depression or stigma); work impairment (job loss or reduced productivity from stress); financial stress (legal costs). Some targeted parents develop anxiety, hypervigilance, or even paranoia after enduring false accusations and court battles.
Educational/Physical Decline in academic performance and school engagement; higher risk of dropping out or lower attainment. Stress-related physical symptoms (headaches, stomach aches); in the long run, potential health issues from chronic stress (weaker immune function, etc.). Physical health can deteriorate due to chronic stress (e.g. high blood pressure, insomnia). Many report fatigue, loss of appetite or overeating, and other stress-induced conditions. Financial strain can also affect healthcare access. In extreme cases, targeted parents have died by stress-related illness or suicide linked to alienation.
Life Outcomes Greater likelihood of poverty and social problems as adults (as seen in children of high-conflict divorce) ; potential alienation from their own children in future (if cycle repeats); lifelong mistrust or fear in relationships (attachment issues). Loss of meaningful role as a parent (which can be identity-shattering); sometimes estrangement from other children or family members due to the primary alienation; diminished quality of life and happiness. Many targeted parents never fully recover their prior life satisfaction unless the parent-child relationship is healed.